Red Sabres
Red Sabres Logo 2 resize
Owner Aedilred
Race Human
Debut Season Season I
Last Season Season IV
Team Motto Dream the Impossible!
Team Colours White and Red
Before disbanding at the end of Season IV, the Sabres were the oldest team remaining in the league, and the last survivors from Season I.

Season I: Cinderella ChampionsEdit

The Sabres had a rocky start to their career in the league, suffering four successive losses in the opening of Season I, each more humiliating than the last. Against the Shambling Horde they shipped three touchdowns and suffered the death of their only thrower, and they also provided an easy victory for the struggling Styx Rivermen. To make matters worse, many of the team's winnings were squandered on gambling.

In Week 5, drawn against The Trees in a match where nobody gave them a chance, the Sabres turned their season around, and, with a punishing defence led by Fredo D. Stefani, went the rest of the season undefeated. Putting their early-season form behind them to scrape into the playoffs, they took their revenge on The Fancy Lads in the opening round, before destroying The Trees in the semifinal and the Stinky Feets in the final.
Red Sabres

The Sabres prior to the Season 1 Cup Final

Season II: Uneasy FavouritesEdit

As defending champions, the Sabres started Season II among the favourites. However, they did not cope well with their loss of underdog status, as they lost matches to The Fancy Lads, Die Valkyrie and MAIM KILL BURN in the first half of the season, and their previously formidable defence was notably absent, thanks to the retirement of Ogre Joe Nar Law Muu and the cutting of two of their former blitzers. The season was salvaged by the astonishing talent of catcher Morr E.N. Tezz, who scored the league's first hat-trick, against Tinwë United, although even that success eventually turned sour. Not only did Morr E.N. Tezz suffer an ultimately career-ending injury against MAIM KILL BURN, but the team's reliance on him went to his head to such a degree that by the end of the season he was insisting on running every play, whether capable or not. After three successive matches of what was universally described as "dumbassery", the Sabres were defeated in the cup semifinal by Hellbug's Heroes.

Season III: Plumbing the DepthsEdit

Season III saw the Sabres attempting to rebuild their reputation in the aftermath of Morr E.N. Tezz, who retired at the end of Season II, and the retirement of some veteran linemen which left a hole in their line. A difficult schedule in the first half of the season saw them lose narrow matches against Die Valkyrie and The Fancy Lads, while drawing with Rampage! and newcomers Outrageous Cretaceous. After the mid-season break, the team seemed to be back on form, racking up a then-record victory against the Reptile Alliance, but then endured a nightmarish collapse. Veteran captain N. Senn Ricky was killed by Hellbug's Heroes, weakening their line yet further, while in the following match they physically dominated Selene's Seductive Strut and still contrived to lose badly. Finally they were to surrender their coveted winning record against elves in spectacular style.

In the final week, Rampage! fell victim to the Invisible Assassin, which appeared to give the Sabres a lifeline, but they were eliminated from contention after Outrageous Cretaceous beat Die Valkyrie. In a now-meaningless match, the Sabres brushed aside The Mistakes of Life to finish the season with more points than the Necromantic team, who qualified as runners-up from Division C. As the only managed team not to make the playoffs, the Sabres won the Crud! Cup by default.  This gave the Sabres the dubious honor of being the first team in league history to at some point lay their hands upon both of the league's two Cups.

Season IV: Last Throw of the DiceEdit

After the disappointment of Season III, the team returned for Season IV intending to throw the kitchen sink at the season and at least try to retire on something of a high. By this stage the most experienced team remaining, following the retirement of The Fancy Lads (and thus ending the Sabres' obligation to play the Lads in the season curtain-raiser), the team enjoyed their best-ever start to a season, winning two of their first four and drawing the other two, including a draw against a feared Heroes team. From there, though, things started to slip, and the team suffered three losses on the bounce as injuries to key players started to take their toll. By All-Star Week the team was in their familiar position at the bottom of Division B, with veteran ogre Seb Sha Bal lost to a crippling injury.
Fredo Derby II

Fredo successfully defends his Derby title.

On the positive side the team had developed a reputation for lightning-fast touchdowns through the passing play of Fernand O.E. Arrow and the star catchers Ferr N.S. "Pudge" Kash and Bry N.O. Dryskull, and Fredo D. Stefani - "the Blond Bullet" - reasserted himself as one of the league's leading defensive players by defending and retaining his Snotling Derby title. After the All-Division match, and a dreadful 0-0 draw against the Bloodknights, a match which also marked the only time Fredo D. Stefani had missed a game for any reason other than a bye week, the team regained some form in a 4-3 loss to the Johnnys, only to fall flat again as the extensive player loans agreed during Player Swap Week backfired, with none of the players gaining any useful experience, and a number of them being injured.

Fortunately for the Sabres, other teams were also struggling and with three matches remaining, they were still in with a chance of qualification through a wild card if other results went their way. The Sabres duly beat Blind Faith, Feets Reloaded and Nature's Guardians to squeak into the playoffs by the narrowest of margins over Rampant Professionalism.

As the lowest-seeded team in the playoffs, the Sabres squared off against Division A champions Outrageous Cretaceous in the first round, a team that had suffered only one defeat all season - although, as Cretaceous coach Tyrantis observed, that defeat had been to the Sabres themselves. The Sabres reprised the feat, defeating the Lizardmen 2-1. For the semifinal, they were drawn against Feets Reloaded, a team they had recently beaten and who had been mauled in their quarter-final encounter with The Shadow, running a squad containing a number of journeyrats.

Confidence in the Sabres among gamblers was high, but following a curiously quiet match in which neither team (each of which contained some of the league's all-time defensive stars) failed to score a touchdown, the Sabres trailed 2-1 on the last kick of the match. A near-perfect offensive drive followed, and while the Feets managed to shut down the two star catchers, their understudy Dunk N. Edwyrd was in clear space and in range for the equaliser to take the match to overtime, a situation which Feets coach Crow anticipated would highly favour the Sabres. Fernand O.E. Arrow's throw was on target but, heartbreakingly, Edwyrd bobbled the catch and the final whistle sounded on the Sabres' hopes.

The team's days in the league were done, but at least they could leave with their heads held high. Due largely to their long playing history, as the only team to date to play four seasons in the league, they left the league as the all-time leaders in touchdowns and rushing yards and with the most victories of any side.


The Sabres have a famous rivalry with The Fancy Lads, against whom they played the first Game of the Week in Season I, a fixture which became the traditional league curtain-raiser. The Lads won all three of the teams' league meetings, with an aggregate score of 5-1. The Sabres won the only knockout match between the teams, in the Season I playoffs, with a score of 3-0.

The Sabres had a brief but friendly rivalry with Amazon team Die Valkyrie, who defeated them twice in league play 1-0 and 2-1 before the team disbanded.

The team also developed rivalries against Hellbug's Heroes and The Johnnys' Quest. The Heroes defeated the Sabres in their Season II cup run and have been responsible for the deaths of two beloved veteran players, including club captain N. Senn Ricky, while in Season IV their draw with the Sabres nevertheless started an injury spiral which helped contribute to the Sabres' dismal mid-season run. In Season III the Quest inflicted a humiliating 4-0 defeat on the Sabres to all but end their hopes of playoff qualification. In the Season IV pre-season the Sabres returned the favour with a 4-0 victory of their own, while the league match was a tight contest which ended 3-2 in the Johnnys' favour. Matches between the Sabres and Johnnys were always high-scoring affairs, with the Season IV result being the first time the winners had scored fewer than four touchdowns.

Home GroundEdit

In the off-season between Season III and Season IV the Sabres purchased the Recreational Ground at Bad Badenhof with intention to develop it into a stadium. The ground is colloquially known as the "Bad Wreck" or just "the Wreck" by fans due to its delapidated state when the team purchased it.


The following players have worn the Sabres jersey at some point:

Coaching and Sideline StaffEdit

  • Lou E. van Gall - Champagne Procurement Director
  • Doktor von Krippen - Apothecary
  • Bry N. Kluff - Head of Nutrition and Catering
  • Morr E.N. Tezz - Facial Grooming Consultant
  • Rickard T. Punter - Gambling, Drinking and Pulling Counsellor
  • Lara von Krippen - Apothecary
  • Sabrette Maria (Molly) - Cheerleader
  • Sabrette Katharina (Kate) - Cheerleader

Trophy CabinetEdit